Applying what I've learned

I look Dr. Hollist's CYAF 380 class last semester (yes, I did things a little backwards). The lecture we had last Thursday was a lot of what we talked about last semester. It's been amazing to see how applying the principles of listening has helped my relationships with my friends, family, and fiance. The two biggest things I have used and will continue to use are not rapid firing questions and not giving personal experience.

As we discussed during class, giving your own personal experience dismisses the feelings of the other person. Often times it can make it seem like you're trying to "one up" them, which only makes for the conversation to be more of a competition. Not rapid firing questions shows more respect for the person. It also shows that you're being an active listener. Active listeners are focused on what the other person is saying rather than thinking about the next statement or question they're going to ask.

In my own life, I have seen the fruits of avoiding sharing personal experiences right away. People share SO much more when I don't intrude on their stories. On the flip side, I am able to see the effects of when I do share personal experiences when it's not appropriate. I can see in the person's eyes, even if it is just slightly, a look of disappointment. I can tell just from their body language that I have dismissed their feelings. When I see this reaction, I try to get back to their story as quickly as possible by asking them a question or making an empathetic statement about their situation.