Class

I enjoyed this semester a lot. I feel like i learned a lot more about how families function and how to handle problems. Not only did I learn more about what to do when I become a counselor or social worker, but I learned things that I can use when I have a family. I liked the way Cody taught the class. He really got everyone involved and was always excited about what he was teaching. I think he taught some really important issue like how to handle stress and that looking at how to fight is more important than what you are fighting about. I am kind of sad that we are done. It was fun and very educational

I really enjoyed this class. I learned so much in it. I came into this class thinking about having family science be my major, but i wasn't sure if thats what I wanted to do. This class made me want to declare family science as my major. I want to work with families and I want to help them. I am going to be able to use what I have learned in this class to help people.

last day of class

I felt like ending our last day on working with families was a great idea. It was a nice way to top off all of the important things we have learned about families. I enjoyed how class was also used as a review day as well. I also thought that stopping and starting the movie was very effective way of us discussing and going over each different segment of effective listening. It was almost as if we were able to pick apart each part of a very small conversation, and see how the big picture really was. I loved how throughout the semester a variety of different movies or funny internet clips were used to prove a point. I thought it was a great way of teaching for visual learners.

Abuse and Attachment

While studying for the final exam, I thought a lot about how much poor attachment behaviors can lead to abuse. If people are extremely insecure in their relationships then they would feel the need to have complete control. Many abusive people are probably very insecure to the point where they feel like they need to force their family to stay together. They feel the need to aggressively take control over their wives and children in order for them to stay with them. This is so sad to me because it is not necessarily their fault that this happens. Obviously it is wrong to be abusive but if that is all that they have known in their whole life how can they help it? I also put some thought into why the person being abused stays. I think this is also a bad attachment problem. Many people who are abused have been abused their whole lives. They feel like they need to be treated that way in order to be happy. This is definitely a problem. They also feel like they do not deserve better. After taking this class I have found myself thinking about issues in a completely different way. I understand now why some of my friends tend to become obsessed with their boyfriends and why they feel so attached. I have also realized how my family interacts can be extremely important in my future relationships. I am very grateful to have taken this because of all that I have learned. It will really help me in my future.

This Semester in Family Science

With our final just 15 hours away, I was recapping everything I have learned from this class and what will really benefit me as I continue on with my life, start a family, raise them and grow old with whomever I marry. I have learned a lot about the changes that families go through, when the homeostasis is broken to change it permanently, like having children, and getting myself prepared for such a change. I know now that I have to realize how to get my point across in an argument, that the issue is more about the process than the content. I feel I can relate to my girlfriend better by listening more intently on what she thinks and watching her body movement to understand the message she is trying to deliver. I think about what it will be like to be a parent, to be a role model for a life that knows almost nothing more than what I teach him or her. I never realized how many processes were actually involved with life, unconscious processes that occur naturally and without hesitation. Because of everything I have learned, I have tried to convince my girlfriend to take this class next year, to learn the same things I did and understands our relationship a little better. I hope it will have an impact on her like it did for me and we will become better people in our relationship with a better appreciation for each other and our families.

Applying what I've learned

I look Dr. Hollist's CYAF 380 class last semester (yes, I did things a little backwards). The lecture we had last Thursday was a lot of what we talked about last semester. It's been amazing to see how applying the principles of listening has helped my relationships with my friends, family, and fiance. The two biggest things I have used and will continue to use are not rapid firing questions and not giving personal experience.

As we discussed during class, giving your own personal experience dismisses the feelings of the other person. Often times it can make it seem like you're trying to "one up" them, which only makes for the conversation to be more of a competition. Not rapid firing questions shows more respect for the person. It also shows that you're being an active listener. Active listeners are focused on what the other person is saying rather than thinking about the next statement or question they're going to ask.

In my own life, I have seen the fruits of avoiding sharing personal experiences right away. People share SO much more when I don't intrude on their stories. On the flip side, I am able to see the effects of when I do share personal experiences when it's not appropriate. I can see in the person's eyes, even if it is just slightly, a look of disappointment. I can tell just from their body language that I have dismissed their feelings. When I see this reaction, I try to get back to their story as quickly as possible by asking them a question or making an empathetic statement about their situation.

The video on Thursday really helped in understanding how to stay focused with a client and how to be an active listener. It seems really hard actually and will take a lot of work in knowing what the person really wants. Working with families will be fun and helping them with their problems will seem easier as a progress with my learning. Im glad I took this class and I hope that the things I learned will stay with me so I can grow a better family.

As professionals in training it is important for us to learn how our responses to clients can have an effect on their trust with us, willingness to share, and whether or not they will continue to seek us for help. In class we stressed a few traditional responses such as personal experience. When listening to people who have just experience a traumatic event this is not good at all. My boyfriend lost his older brother when he was in his early 20s. He said many people would say, "I know how you're feeling, my grandma just died or grandpa" or something like that. Even though he remembers little from the day of the funeral he says that those comments stick because he was so angry when he heard them. As professionals or even friends who want to be there for you during hard times it is important to think about how our responses will impact the other person.

I really enjoyed Chris the speaker from the outreach program. This was actually the third time I've heard him give that presentation, and I still was completely intrigued the whole time. I loved how he was so inspiring and how devoted he was to his job. The way he was able to use himself as an example was very brave of him. I thought it was also very important that he gave us his background and let us know how he became so driven to help others during their time of need. It was also really neat how he really reached out to his audience, and made sure we all knew we could call him if we knew someone or were ever in that situation. As I said it was a great presentation, and I was glad I made it to class that day.

Working With Families

I thought todays lecture was a great one to finish up the semester!  It really tied everything we have been learning together.  It made me realize how, when working with families, detail is so important.  Active listening and hearing is so important. It you can't do those, you will not be able to help people.  The reactions to what a person is saying is also crucial.  Watching Antwon Fisher's video really helped demonstrate that to me.  This class has been very educational to me this semester and has taught me lessons I can apply to my life and how to act in the professional world if I do go on to work with families. 

I really enjoyed the speaker from Tuesday. I thought he was very entertaining and he kept me interested throughout his whole talk. There was never a boring moment. I learned a lot from him. Hearing him speak really made me want to go out and help people. There are a lot of people in the world who needs someone to look up to or to talk to and I would like to be one of those people that they could talk to. I want to help people. That's something that has always been a passion of mine. I have done mission trips with my church and when they are over I feel so much better because I know that I made a difference in someones life. I hope that I keep making differences in peoples lives.

CEDARS speaker

I thought that the cedars speaker was amazing.  I really liked the way he presented his ideas and his ideas in general.  I think that the fact that he really didn't force anyone to do anything they didn't want to and that he really pushed those he meets to make the right decision and to make their own decision is really a good way to get through to people.  Trying to make people do what they don't want to really isn't the right way.  When the people he meets make the right decisions on their own I think that is more likely to change their lifestyle for good.  If you try to force change on people a reaction that I've come to see is resistance.  I liked his idea that if people want to change they can change but he won't force them.  And I liked the idea of the hygiene kits.  Helping them out without making them change.  Great Idea. 

CEDARS

To work at CEDARS you really have to have the patients and work with these kids because they really need somebody. Well I was not their because Im having a hard time with my tonsiles swelling up but the way everybody is talking about the speaker it seems as if he was great and I believe that very much so . I like the fact that he works at Cedars because he has been though most of the things that these kids have gone through and it gives the chance for the kids to see that they are not by themself when it comes to being homeless. When some people thing of homeless they think of older people but in reality their are alot of younger people homless.

CEDARS

I thought the speaker was really good. I know a lot of people that work at CEDARS and they are just crazy. I guess you kind of have to be to work with the kind of people that show up there. I live in a pretty bad part of town and I see homeless people a lot and I know that some of them cannot help it. Helping them is actaully pretty cool and they have the best stories to tell about life. Im glad he came even though he was late and Im going to miss that class!

The Speaker on 4/28

I was a bit skeptical about the speaker on Tuesday, especially since a lot of us were hoping that he wouldn't show up so we could leave early, but I am honestly glad I got to hear his presentation. I think it was the most interesting lecture I have heard in years. I had no idea about the homeless issue with adolescents, mostly because when I walk around downtown the only people I see on the streets are older. I am glad that someone like him, who has also had his share of troubles when he was young, is out there and able to communicate with these kids in a way that their police and the police will never be able to. I really think we should have more people like him teaching the middle school and high school teenagers about responsibility and how to get help if you feel that you are on the verge of leaving or being kicked out on your home. Like he said, he doesn't try to work with the scare tactics routine of showing people disgusting pictures, but actually tries to communicate with them and have open discussions. That is the one thing that teenagers need when they think everyone is just trying to control them and tell them to follow their rules, they need someone who has been there, who isn't trying to be just another authority figure, but someone who is genuinely concerned for their safety not because he has to be, but because he wants to. I have a lot of respect for him, knowing that he started this when he saw what was happening to his friends and he just wanted to help them, nothing more. He really is a caring and selfless person.

CEDARS Speaker

I also found the speaker on Tuesday to be very interesting and helpful, and the things he talked about were really an eye-opener for me. Personally, I have never had any experience, professionally or in my personal life, of dealing with kids that have run away from home and become homeless. At first, it was hard for me to even imagine what that experience must be like, or how their family at home functions.

I think that hearing that presentation reminded me once again that it is so important to not only be educated about the many different types of families and dynamics that can exist, but also to have an open mind. While there are many similarities in families regarding strength characteristics, or establishing boundaries and roles, every family and every person experiences those things differently. If you can keep from making snap-judgements about a person or situation, you will better be able to help.

Meth

I found our speaker on Tuesday to be very interesting. The work he does for people around Lincoln is truly amazing. He was also a great speaker. He kept me constantly interested in his presentation and I liked how he had so many different stories and examples that really hit home on how much drugs and alcohol are problems among adolescents. When he talked about Meth I was almost surprised at some of the stories he told. I had no idea that Meth was so widely used in Nebraska and some of the stories were absolutely disgusting. It is also cool how the speaker had been through a lot of those problems himself as and adolescent. It gives him an insight to how those kids are feeling and I feel like he is better equiped to help them as well. He knows better than anyone else what those kids need to hear. It scares me because sometimes kids just do not like to listen to authorties . I do not know how I would take it if my kid would not listen to me. Those parents are being put in a very hard situation. I also learned that it is illegal to kick kids out of the house. I have heard of many parents who have done that and it has never been a big issue. It is a very good law in my mind and I think it helps keep children out of trouble.

The words the guest speaker had to offer on Tuesday really hit me.  I hadn't thought about homelessness in Lincoln.  I mean, I see homeless people on the corners downtown, but they're always older people.  I've never seen teenagers down there, so even the thought of a 15 year old living under a bridge...I don't even know how to describe how that makes me feel.  That, along with the other stories he told us about girls having 3 kids by age 18 and guys losing everything they have because of meth, made me start thinking about working with that population.  He was so passionate about what he does, and it was awesome to see his enthusiasm; however, I know that I could not work in that environment - not because I don't want to help runaways or homeless people, but as a professional, I know I couldn't handle those situations. 

As a helping professional, it's important to consider what areas you can see yourself working in and what areas you know you could not offer the best services for the clients.  Forcing yourself to work in an area you know you don't belong is not only going to hurt the clients you're trying to serve, but it's also going to hurt you as a professional adding stress and leading to burnout.  

As I'm starting the job search, I've found lots of jobs available in the helping profession; however, most are working with "at-risk" youth.  As much as I need a job to support my family, I know that applying for those jobs is not the right thing to do because I would not be able to give the youth the best support they need.  

Adoption

I found Thursday's lecture on adoption very interesting. Towards the end of the lecture we talked about how all of the theories could be related or applied to an adopted child. A co-worker of mine has two adopted children. He and his wife chose to adopt locally and have open adoptions. Their situation made me think about their children's microsystem. For most children they will have their family, school, etc. For his children their birth parents are included in that microsystem. I am sure that this definately has an impact on their family's functioning. For example his daughter's birth mother attends all of her big milestone events like birthdays. When I first met this family I found it to be awkward seeing the mom and birth-mom interact. However, it is just a part of how they function. I am interested to see how an open adoption will impact these children over the years. For children with closed adoptions they may desire to have contact with their parents and be curious about the process. For my co-workers children their biological parents are a very close part of their lives. I wonder what questions they will have for their parents and birth parents when they are older.

Domestic Violence

When I was taking my on-line quizzes in this class it made me start to think about the topics that they were over. The one topic that I began to think more in depth about was domestic violence. I feel that this is a topic that many people are very uncomfortable talking about even though it happens to so many around us. I found the lecture over this topic to be very powerful, for not only did we discuss many of the problems of violence in the home, but Professor Hollist also shared how his son was abused by his birth mother. Hearing this personal experience was moving to me and made me realize that even if the abuse doesn't happen directly to you that you can still be affected by it. I know many college age students are in relationships that are abusive and in a professional setting I would encourage those students to have the courage to leave those relationships that are causing them harm, whether the abuse is physical or emotional both can have a major toll on an individuals well-being and mental health. I think this lecture and topic made us all a little bit more aware of the severity of this type of violence.

Adopted Children

I thought the statistics were were given in class on Thursday were very interesting.  Even though a child's parent(s) may not have treated him or her as they should a child will still love them no matter what.  Birth parents usually want to be found by their birth child, and their child that was given up for adoption usually wants to find them as well.  This just shows a child's resilience and how much they need loving and supporting parents. Parents are a HUGE part of a child's life and throughout their life.  In the future, for working with families who have adopted or are looking to adopt, we must remind them that it is pretty common and normal that a child will eventually want to find his or her birth parents, which points back to the curiosity factor. 

Money and Relationships

After out lecture on Tuesday about how money affects relationships, it makes me think about how me and my girlfriend look at the meaning of money and how much it means to our relationship. Being third year college students, we are pretty far in debt right now with student loans and a nice romantic date with an expensive dinner and sensual activity are far and few between (we usually settle for Applebee's.) However, when it comes to paying, we have been dating long enough that sometimes I will ask her to pay, especially if I had just paid a couple of bills and am beyond broke. I was thinking though, if we get married, we will definitely have problems when it comes to the meaning of money. She is a shopaholic, using money as a means for enjoyment. The problem is its usually just enjoyment for herself, so I am stuck paying for a lot of things for the both of us. I view money as a means of security, with a little bit of enjoyment, theres no point in saving it if you can't have a little fun with it. So the problem lies in the fact that I'm always saving my money while she spends her, and then runs out of money quickly and comes to me to buy things for her and both of us because shes always broke. I have discussed this with her plenty of times and she's slowly changing, however its taking a long time for any progress. This will always be a fear of mine.

Family Finance

Finances in my family have never been a problem.  I am in no way shape or form saying that we are rich, but my family has always been able to live comfortably.  My mother is a pharmacist, and I must say that she is the bigger provider for the family.  She works so hard for everything because when she was growing up she didn't have money.  My mother worked through high school so she could afford the tuition for the private school that her parents wanted her to go to.   She worked all her way through college when she went to creighton for medical school.  I admire my mother for everything she has done and all the financial suffering she had to go through to get where she is today and to provide for our family.  My mother and father are very giving and I hope that one day I am able to do the same for my kids.  I do not want them to worry about money.  I want them to know that if they ever do need money for something they can always come to me.  I am very proud when people ask me what my mother does because I know how hard she works and I really look up to her and hope that I can be as strong and providing of a person and she has been for me.  

Divorce

I come from a home where my parents are divorced. My parents didn't get divorced until the end of my freshman year of high school. I feel they should have actually gotten divorced way earlier in the marriage just because of all the fighting they were always doing. They tried to go to counseling but it didn't work. I am currently engaged to someone whose parents were also divorced, and his dad re-married and got divorced again. His mom is re-married and they have an awesome marriage. Some people might wonder if I'm worried that since we both come from families whose parents are divorced that we have that risk. I'm personally not worried at all. I love him very much and I know that he feels the same way about me. If we start having problems I think we will both find that the best thing to do is to seek help immediately instead of putting it off.

Divorce

I just got done reading chapter 16. I learned a lot from this chapter. There has been a couple of divorces in my family and it was interesting to know what people go through and how a divorce can affect children. I personally haven't dealt with divorce, but some of my cousins have. They told me that it is hard sometimes to keep going back and forth between each parent. I think that would be a very difficult thing to deal with. I can't imagine my life without both of my parents in it. One thing I found very interesting is the alternatives to divorce. It was just interesting to read about what couples can do instead of getting a divorce. I thought the marriage enrichment part was interesting. I have never really heard about these programs so it was all new to me. To me it sounds like a good thing that couples should do. The programs help you and your partner with your conflicts before they get out of control. I think couples that have a lot of problems should consider going to one of these programs.

Class

This class is one of the better classes I have taken. It seems to relate a lot to how life goes and with relationships and now money issues. I thought it was good for him to bring in his kids to show that adoption is really hard and when you get the child to appreciate every thing he has been through. Im kind of sad that this class is almost over but hope you make a difference in other peoles lives with the things I have learned

Divorce

After reading Chapter 16 I learned a lot about divorce and some of the statistics that go along with it. One thing I learned was that there are long-term negative affects of divorce on children. I always knew this was somewhat true but the fact that it is proven is really crazy to me. It is just a reminder of how much we look up to our parents and the example they give to us. I know a lot of people that have had their parents get divorced and be just fine, until they get into a relationship. I think this is one of the biggest affects that people have when they have had a divorce in their family. A lot of times I see a lack of commitment and sometimes girls especially tend to always want to have a boyfriend for that security. These are all things that can really cause issues in their future relationships. It also makes me wonder if their parents would have stayed together if they would have the same issues. Would it be better to get divorced or stay together and fight all of the time? It is really a question to consider because both could have extremely negative affects. It makes me really want to me sure about the person I marry and be careful of how I treat my spouse in front of my children.

CHANGING ROLES

Class lecture on Tuesday reminded me of a story I heard on NBC the other night. In lecture we started out talking about the affects of the economy on families. This news story pointed out that the majority of heavy job loss is in male dominated professions such as construction. This means that women are then forced to assume the role of sole breadwinner. It went into details about how much women earn compared to men. It was stated that a woman makes 78 cents for every $1 a man makes. Thus since a lot of men are losing their jobs and women make less money, it is even more difficult for families. This change in roles made me think of the implications this means for families. Based on the principle of homeostasis we resist change. However, this sort of change is necessary during these times. I wonder what will come of all of this in the end. Will it mean more equal wages for men and women? Will it mean less polarization between what society deems normal for men and women? Or something else?

Money

I thought the part of Tuesday's lecture about how money causes problems was very beneficial. The family Interview I had done, was actually on conflict over money. I was able to make many connections between the family I interviewed, and this money section. Although I do agree about the part involving total income having no effect on happiness, I can't say the same for many other couples. Some people seem to base everything in their lives off of money. I found myself wondering if status, security, enjoyment, and control over money is something that children learn about early on, and follow their parents footsteps, or how many choose to take the opposite direction.

Money

In our class discussion on Tuesday we talked a lot about the financial problems that are happening in our country today. I liked how we opened class with stories of how we felt the pull of the economy and how our lives have been affected by it. I know that personally as a graduating senior that me and my fellow classmates are feeling the pressure when it comes to the job search. I was lucky enough to be accepted into graduate school and given an assistantship for the time that I will be getting my PH.D. , however, many of my friends are beginning the grueling task of trying to find their first "big boy or big girl" job. Many of my friends are applying for jobs along with hundreds of other people and hearing the same results: "sorry but we went with another candidate" or "you are too educated for the position." In times like these it is so easy to get stressed out and being stressed can have a tole on our family relationships. In a professional setting I will keep this in mind when I am helping families deal with the stresses in their own families. If they state that they are having financial problems I will find ways to help them deal with this stress so that it doesn't take away from their relationships with each other. With a little support from all members of the family and from each other we can hopefully get past this rough patch.

Talking about Finances

Today’s class described exactly the way my parents view money: polar oppositions. For example, my dad bought some sort of shotgun shell reloader. To him, spending money like that is security. He believes that in the long run, reloading his own shells will save him more money than having to buy new ones all the time. To my mom, however, spending money on a shotgun shell reloader is enjoyment. She believes that the things my dad buys are “toys.” Thus, there are many arguments in my house about the way money is spent.

Understanding how finances affect families is important as a professional because, as we discussed during class, this is about conflict resolution. The content of financial disagreements isn’t the problem; what matters is the process of solving the conflict.

I will use this in my own professional development as I prepare to work through financial situations with my fiancé. Just last week in marriage preparation, we talked a lot about finances…because we hadn’t really talked about them before! We agree on a lot of things (we both are savers, we both follow budgets, etc), but it’s good to know that when we do disagree on a financial issue, we must realize that it’s not about the content of the argument; it’s the process of resolution. Because we aren’t sharing finances yet, we don’t have those arguments. But we can use this time of engagement to work on our conflict resolution, so that when those arguments do arise, we can work through the process effectively.

Transitions into Remarriage

I was really interested to read the section in our book about remarriage and the relational transitions that people go through in the process. I was especially interested in reading about the relationships that people have with their ex-spouses. My mom is a lawyer who does mostly family law, so she has to work with people going through divorces, and she always tells me how hard it can be on the children when their parents maintain a hostile relationship throughout the divorce. Now I understand why this could be a problem: due to homeostasis, many couples retain some of what were likely unhealthy ways of interacting with each other even after they divorce. This can put a lot of strain on the children's life and family relationships. I think it is important for professionals to work with both parents and the child during this transition, so that they can work out communication patterns that are more civil and helpful towards raising their child. As we have talked about, having a strong family is more about positive communication and other important characteristics than it is about having a certain family constellation.

Children

I thought it was so great that Professor Hollist brought his son Isaac to class.  It really hit home with me since my parents are foster parents and I have been through orphanages and see what it is like for the less privaledged children.  It is true when Professor Hollist said that children are resilient.  I have lived with a neglected and abused child and she was one of the happiest children I have ever met.  Child services may not be perfect, but they initially have good intentions in doing what is best for children.  In class we learned that 2,000,000 cases of child abuse are reported annually.  This number is rediculous and scary.  Also, during the Martina McBride video, it was so sad when the teacher saw bruises on the little girls arm and did nothing.  Any signs that children are being abused or treated wrong need to be reported, even though it is easier said than done.  

family interview

I really enjoyed doing the family interview. It really helped learn how other families manage things and even when both parents are working. I grew up in a dual earner family so I knew how my family handled things, but I wanted to see how another dual earner family managed their family. I found out a lot of useful things that I will be able to learn from when I start my family. I'm very happy this was an assignment for us to do otherwise I probably wouldn't have ever bothered to ask these questions of people.

For my family interview I interviewed a family that I am fairly close to. I wanted to interview this family because they have new family memebrs. I wanted to see how the family feels about their new step family. The family had a hard time getting used to the new people living in their house, but after some time they all got use to each other. This family has gotten close to each other. They do things together and you can tell that they do care about each other. I have never really talked to the family about the remarriage so it was really interesting to hear what they had to say.

Adolescents

After our Thursday lecture about parenting adolescents, I tried to think about my family and the hard times my sisters and I put our parents through as we went through our high school individualism phase. My two sisters, both older than me, where the popular high school cheerleaders who would always sneak out at night and go drinking and partying, always getting in trouble the next day and getting into arguments with my parents. I was never all that close to my sisters, whoever, I carefully watched what they did and said to my parents to figure out what I could get away with without getting into trouble. I would push my boundaries further and further occasionally, like asking if I could stay out an hour or two later on the weekend because of a party I was at. I never did anything too bad, besides drinking, so I felt it was okay, especially after overhearing the stories of what my sisters did, so I always felt like I was doing better than them and obeying more of the rules. However, thinking back, I was still just as bad as they were, I just thought that since I was better at getting away with it, that I must have just been better and smarter. My parents could always tell what I was up to, but since I was the youngest and they had already dealt with two girls, they were a lot more relaxed when it came to me. I think it definitely helped me with my independence though, I felt I could be myself and do what I wanted while still obeying some of the rules that I felt were most important to my parents.

Work and Family Roles

After reading chapter 9 in our text, it reminded me of some of the issues that surround work and parenting roles. I sympathize with parents who feel the guilt of not being able to be with their children due to work. It is a cylce that is difficult to get out of. Many adults go to work in order to provide for their children. In doing so if one parent cannot stay at home with them, they must find child care. Now parents also want to provide their children with the best possible care they can. Quality child care may mean more expensive. Parents may have to work longer hours or a different schedule to accomodate for the costs. What's the solution. Our text offers that some couples work out schedules so one parent is always with the children. But previously the text also states that working the same shift can be important in maintaining a relationship. Another solution is scaling-back. Most of the time it is the mother who cuts back on work to be with the kids. However, this makes job advancement and raises less likely. If the couple divorces or something happens to the spouse, this puts the mother at risk of financial challenges if she should become a single parent. With every solution there is a risk. I guess the only solution I see is to prioritize your duties for your roles and a parent as well as employee. What works for one family may not be the best for another. Yet again it is not what your situation looks like that is important, but the process.

Thursday class

Class made me realize that I need to start working with my son now so he doesnt get into bad habits in the future. Right now I watch the shows I want to watch like CSI and MTV and he watches them with me because he is only 2 but he has just in the last couple of days learned that a stick can be a gun and he shoots me... which i never taught him that! I think he is getting it from the shows he watches with me and it made me think that if there is violence or sex that he will know sooner what that is and he might want to take part in that.

Family Crisis

After reading the readings for Tuesday and Thursday I began to think about many depressing situations. One thing that really came to mind is abuse and how much it affects the whole entire family. I know of some families who have suffered from it and the scars are almost impossible to heal. One thing that I have learned to focus on is how amazing it is to see a family come out of those crisis and be closer than ever. It is so encouraging when families can work through their problems and really learn how to live a happy and healthy life. The readings talked about a range of different things that can be extremely hard for families to deal with and some end up completely braking apart. I am really interested in learning more about healthy ways for families to cope in times of economic, abuse, crisis, etc. These are things that many people do not think will happen to them and when it does they do not know what to do. I want to be equipped for the future so if my family does go through some sort of a crisis, I will be ready to deal with that in a healthy way.

Thoughts on 4/9/09 discussion

During Thursdays discussion I was so shocked to hear how close the ratio or births to abortions was. Especially when I found out how the statistics of teen pregnancies don't include how many girls have had abortions. I mean everybody knows abortions are taking place, but those statistics just blew my mind.
The part of the discussion that didn't surprise me was about the moral decline the media has caused. Although I admit I easily get drawn into the reality t.v. shows, I know this stuff is fake. For me I think the drama is hilarious. Many teens don't understand this, and unfortunately see many of this people as role models. I also wasn't very surprised to find out that teenagers who watch sexual things on t.v are twice as likely to start having sex. T.V is a very strong observational method of communicating to people of all ages, whether there are good or bad messages sent.

During last Thursday's lecture we were presented with statistics about teen pregnancy rates. I was so surprised by the fact that abortions, miscarriages, and stillbirths aren't included in the percentages. In essence, teen pregnancy rates are teen birth rates.

Being aware of what is included in statistical data is important to professional development. A professional must know what the defined fields are in a statistic so that they know how to interpret the statistic. Like we discussed in class, looking at the decrease in teen pregnancy percentages is deceiving. We may think the decrease in teen pregnancies is due to an increase in contraceptive use; however, when we learned that abortions are not included in that statistic, we had to reevaluate our hypothesis.

In my professional development, I'm going to be much more aware of instances like these. I'm going to question statistics because I want to know what is really being presented to me. It is so easy to take something without questioning it, but if I don't question things, how will I ever find Truth?

Dual-Earner Families

Today, I was reading Chapter 9 in the textbook, which is about families and income. There was a large section regarding dual-earner families, since they are becoming more common today. The text mentioned numerous times that these families often have less time to spend with their, which can cause other struggles. This reminded me of our discussions in class about single-parent families, and the difference between structure and function. It is true that spending time together is one of the qualities of strong families; however, it does not have to look the same for each family. I think that when I work with families of any kind in the future, I would like to help them figure out how they can make their time work best for them, their schedules, and their interests. Everyone has the same amount of time in the day, but it is up to each family to figure out how to use that to best fit their needs.

Family Interview

For my family interview I decided to interview a couple friend of mine who has only been married for one year. Through their interview I really wanted to know what it was like for them to be newlyweds and some of the struggles that they have gone through adjusting to married life. My couple was also unique from some newlywed couples, because just recently they found out that they were going to be having a baby. With the news of the new baby I also wanted to know if there as some anxiety about becoming new parents. I feel that through my interview I really found out a lot about their relationship and how it functions. One of the main things that my couple dealt with was trouble with the in-laws. This is not uncommon in relation to newlywed relationships, however, with my couple it seemed to be one of the only things that they really disagreed about. My friend really had a hard time with her husband's mother always wanting to be around them all the time. She would often come to blows with her husband about standing up to his mother and telling her that she can't be around them all the time. Her husband had a really hard time with this for he felt that he would be hurting his mother's feelings. In this circumstance I really felt that the couple was getting into a routine of how they fight and concentrated more on the context of their arguments instead of the function. I feel that this is the case in many marriages and in a professional setting I feel that this is one of the main issues that I would work with my couple on. Maybe if they had a new way of going about their arguments they could come to a solution that they both agree on.

Parenting Adolescents

Today's lecture made me think about the way that I was treated as an adolescent and about the way that I plan to treat my future children when they get to enjoy their adolescence. We talked a lot about flexibility and I think that plays a large role in a child-parent relationship. Depending on the circumstances, age, and situation, parents have to have some flexibility with children...but how much is too much? Hopefully as I am raising my child throughout his/her adolescence I can be an authority figure to him or her but also be understanding and someone that her or she can talk to. I do not want my kids learning life lessons from the media, I would much rather prefer them coming to me and being open with their lives, even though some things in adolescence can be awkward to talk about. Often, I wish I could have been more open with my parents about certain issues, but I guess I'll just take what I have learned from my parents and their parenting styles and use it towards my own children.

After lasts weeks discussion I started thinking about my parents and how they raised me. They did have rules that I had to follow, but they weren't really strict. My parents trusted me and they showed that to me by giving me freedom when I was out and about with my friends. My parents are more concerened with my brother. My brother has more rules to follow. My mom is trying really hard to trust my brother more, so she is laying off some of the rules.

Parenting

I got to thinking about myself and how I was raised and the morals that I now have.  I hope that someday I will be able to be like my parents in that way, that I will raise someone like myself.  I have been brought up to know what is right and what is wrong without having to question myself.  The only concern I have is that I really want to have the same effect my parents had on raising me, but I want to be able to communicate better with my children than I do what my own parents.  I love my parents to death and thank God everyday for everything I have in my life.  I would not change the family I was adopted into for anything, but I sometimes find myself longing to communicate with my parents the way I see my peers with their parents.  I do not want a best friend instead of a parent, but I want to know that if i do have a problem that I want to talk about I can turn to them.  I want my children to be willing and not scared to talk to me.  I just find myself thinking of ways I can accomplish that without being too lenient with them.  

Families with young children

After the lecture on Tuesday, I found myself thinking about how I was when I was a kid and the way my parents brought me up. My father was always the one who would play with me and my sisters when we were kids, like playing monster in the dark before my mom had dinner ready in the winter and going outside for baseball, football, Red Rover and every other outdoor game in the summer. It actually kind of reminds me of that commercial we saw at the start of class where the dad joins in the imaginative play and the mom is the reality of the world. I could never picture my mom joining in when we would play pirates or cops and robbers. I guess it never really occurred to me until recently that even though my dad was always the serious and stern one, he was also the one with the most imagination and willingness to join the kids for a night of playtime. My parents raised my sisters and I with an authoritative style, so I felt a strong connection to both my parents. I could trust my mom with serious issues and go to her for comfort and love, while my dad was always the one to crack down on me so I was always afraid to tell him anything first, usually letting my mom be the one to do that so she could soften him up before he got to me. However, I realize now that my dad was more than the stern no-nonsense person I always thought him out to be. I unconsciously put aside the fact that he was my dad when we played together, and he just became another pirate on the ship or robber trying to escape. Looking back now I did take him for granted back when I was a kid, just thinking that was what every dad had to do, not realizing he did it because he wanted to, not because he had to.

Children

I really enjoyed the lecture on children and parenting. Although I myself am not a parent yet I hope to be one in the next couple of years. I work with children everyday at my job and so I thought that when we were talking about "telling isn't teaching" was really good. I know from experience that just because you tell a child to do something or not do something or how to do something doesn't mean they are going to listen or even learn anything. You have to be able to show them why they should do something or not do something. Explain to them what will happen if they listen and follow directions. Kids are very interesting to be around and work with because you really never know how the day is going to go!

Young Children

On Tuesday I felt like there were many important factors that were discussed regarding children. Of the topics discussed I felt like the teaching section was one of the most important. I absolutely loved the statement "telling isn't teaching". I think this is one of the hardest things for many parents and school teachers as well to remember. I feel like so many people spend a majority of their time nagging and repeating the same things over and over in hopes that it will sink into the the children if they say it enough. Unfortunately it doesn't work, and ends up being a waste of breath. Sometimes children need more than that, and it is the job of the teacher or parent to come up with alternate ways of explaining certain tasks.

Why have children?

Last Thursday we tried to answer the question "why do couples have children?" I really liked where we ended up with our discussion. The answer to the question takes into account some sort of spiritual aspect that is hard to articulate. My answer to this question is that the love between two people cannot be contained, and so it flows over into a new life that is created from that love. This is definitely a spiritual and impossible to measure with research.

As a professional, it's important to remember that research isn't the end-all-be-all. Research can't measure everything, thus we cannot rely on it for all the answers. This goes back to the beginning of the semester where we talked about epistemology. Research is one way that we know what we know, but there are other ways: experience, authority, tradition, reason, and intuition.

The fact that research can't measure everything is something I will keep in mind as a mother, especially when it comes to sharing my reasons for having children. Last summer there was an article in Newsweek that said kids make couples less happy. If I would've known then what I know now, I could've approached the article from a different point of view. I could have helped the people who showed me the article see how the research was conducted in a way that got negative responses from parents and didn't take into account a deeper, immeasurable happiness that comes with having a children.

Young Children

In class on Tuesday we discussed a lot about children's play. This reminded me of some of the things I see at the daycare where I work. One play that we emphasized was dress up. Further more we discussed how dress up can allow children to explore gender roles. Many of the boys in my three year old group enjoy wearing pink puffy dresses and high heels. They like to play that they are the mommy or they like to twirl in the dresses. At work we do not discourage this at all. However, I had one parents complain about letting his boy dress up in "girl" clothes. It made me realize how socially constructed the norm for clothing is. I reassured this parent that a lot of the other boys like to play dress up too. A few days later this same parent came into the classroom and a couple of the other boys were wearing dressses and he just laughed. I think seeing this made him realize there isn't anything "wrong" with his son. Kids just like to pretend. As professionals I think that it is important to realize that children don't pick up on all the social norms immediately and letting boys play dress up and with dolls will not do any harm. When else will a boy get to put on a dress in a nonthreatening environment and not get made fun of?

Parenting Styles

On Tuesday in class we discussed the different types of parenting styles.  I am familiar with these parenting styles because I have taken previous courses which focus on these aspects of family life and the different family atmospheres they create.  It is interesting to me to think about the students I work with at my practicum and what types of parenting styles their parents use on them.  I think that through observation, you can learn a lot about how a child was raised and the relationship he/she may have with his/her parents.  For example, one young girl in my 2nd grade class is very intelligent and very well behaved in class.  She is aware of the expectations that teachers have and shows respect and an understanding for these limits.  She is a great communicator to both her peers and adults and whenever problems arise, she conducts herself in an appropriate manner and deals with the problem very well.  She is very confident in herself and knows that she is one of the top students in the class, but does not let this go to her head.  Instead, she uses her learning strengths as a tool to help others in the classroom.  Through the time I've spent with this classroom and observing her, I can tell that her parents have raised her under an authoritative parenting style because she is very loved by her parents, is capable of making decisions on her own, has self-confidence, she is academically successful, and is just an all around healthy child.

Children

There are many things you need to learn about before working with kids. It really scares me to think about having children of my own. There are so many things that can go on when raising children and it is important not to screw it up. I really liked how we talked about certain things to do when teaching children. These are things that I will keep with me for the rest of my life. The fact that children's brains are so much different than ours is kind of hard to grasp sometimes. I think we sometimes we don't realize how much they need to learn, but also how much they can learn on their own. My younger cousin is extremely smart and sometimes I forget that and talk to her like she is still a little girl. Even though she may be classified as that, she can pick up the baby talk and it really upsets her. This is an example of how we can underestimate kids sometimes. I also like how we talk about good ways to discipline. Instead of constantly saying "No" we can tell them what not to do. I also learned a lot about the importance of play and how children need to play in order to learn many different traits needed in our society. It is also good for their imagination and growth as children.

Young Children

I really enjoyed the lecture today on "Families with Young Children". I feel that it was particularly interesting when we discussed how play is important in learning about the personalities of young children and how they are influenced by our actions or the actions of their parents. I really see this when I watch my six year old niece play. When she plays with her dolls she will say things that I know came straight from my sister's mouth at some point. I am always saying oh my gosh you sound just like you mom and it is so strange to me to hear her imitate my sister so perfectly. I thought it was also important when we discussed the importance of making a soft hypothesis when it comes to making conclusions about children's behaviors. In a professional setting I will keep this in mind when aiding families deal with issues that they may be having with their children. I feel that it is important to keep in mind that child's issue may stem from a place outside the family for instance issues a school or with their friends. By making a soft hypothesis I will be able to make a better depiction of what is really going on with the child.

Play

After today's lecture it made me think of how many times I have seen or watched kids play and did not think anything of it.  It was interesting to hear that how kids play is a form of communication for them to other kids and adults.  My mom is a therapist who deals with families and children and anytime she has to work with kids or talk to them she gives them something to do with their hands.  It can be crayons and paper, a little game, or even a toy car.  She told me that when kids are focusing on whatever they are playing with, they tend to talk more and express themselves more as opposed to them just talking and not doing anything else.  When I work with families and children in the future I know I will follow my mom's advice.  I also thought one of the most important thing Professor Hollist talked about was that when kids turn to aggression or act angry, we cannot jump to conclusions.  I think it's natural for us to automatically assume the worst--abuse, but it is important that we think of other alternatives before jumping to conclusions.  Overall, I learned a lot about children, parenting, and families today that I think are useful in the professional world, but also on a personal level.  

Siblings and Family

I was watching "Good Morning America" the other day, and there was a segment about the effects of siblings. They started by asking the question, "Does having siblings change your life?" Of course, the answer is yes. They went on to talk about what the statistics say - sisters encourage emotional expression, brothers do not, etc. It reminded me of what we talked about in class the other day, about how having a baby changes the family. There are very few things that we can actually measure, but from listening to that news report, and from having a sibling myself, I know that the actual effects are so much more than statistics can say. I want to keep that fact in mind as I work with families in the future. While research can be helpful in showing trends, in an actual family it is important to keep personal needs, as well as relational and spiritual changes, on the forefront when making considerations and coming up with solutions.

Conflict Resolution

I really enjoyed the lecture on conflict resolution. It's very reasuring to know that the number of fights or intensity are irrelevant, as long as your getting things resolved for both partners. I also was surprised to find out that the saying the best way to deal with your anger was to let it out, is actually a myth. It seems like from the time your in gradeschool and thereafter people are consistantly telling you that you should talk about your feelings and so on. I also liked the fact that he stressed the point that process is the more important aspect to focus on when trying to resolve issues. I thought it was important how at the end of class he pointed out that conflict resolution doesnt mean that one person is giving up, considering the ultimate goal would be to have both people satisfied.

Adoption

This chapter highlights the idea of adoption and I enjoyed reading the section on adoption because I was adopted Internationally when I was 3 months old.  I read the part focusing on open adoption and the benefits/ criticisms that come along with this idea.  Being adopted Internationally really puts a limit on the option of having an open adoption and I am happy that I was not put through an open adoption.  I plan on returning to my birth country once I graduate from college, but more for the purpose of visiting my birth country and to experience the culture.  It is my choice whether or not I wish to take action to try and locate my birth mother and get in contact with her.  I still have not decided whether or not I want to do this, which goes to show how serious the idea of allowing contact between birth parents and adopted children is.  For me, the main reason for contacting my birth mother would be to find out any medical history and ask her questions about who she is, who my birth father is and to find out more about my birth family.

People feel that by providing their child an open adoption, they are allowing that child the opportunity to get answers to questions and to maintain some sort of close relationship with his/her birth parent(s).  I personally feel that this is not a good idea, especially considering the the effects it can have on a young child.  Yes, an adopted child will always have questions running through their mind about who their birth parents were, what they looked like, do they have any siblings, but I think that it is something that should not be addressed for a young child.  I feel that if there is going to be an open adoption, that it remains a closed adoption until the child has matured to appropriate age in which he/she can handle the sensitivity of this issue.  The child should have the choice of whether he/she wants contact with his/her birth parent(s) because that child's life is the life that is being most affected by the adoption.  

No right answer

I brought my fiancé to class earlier this semester and again last Thursday when we talked about conflict resolution. He is an engineer, and he knows that my classes are much different than his, but he didn’t realize exactly how different. After the first time he came to class, we were walking back to his room and he said, “There aren't any right answers.” Yes, there are no right answers. This last time he came to class with me, we were given six steps for conflict resolution. My fiancé’s face lit up. There was a formula he could follow! After class, I had to dash his dreams by telling him that “following the formula” wouldn’t necessarily get the “right answer.” Couples are a little more complicated than numbers.

As a professional, it is important to understand that we can’t solve family’s problems with cut and dry formulas. Families are different. Different therapy styles are going to work for different families.

In my own professional development as a married woman, it is important for me to understand where my fiancé is coming from. He wants a formula to follow, and that’s okay. We can follow those six steps to conflict resolution, but we both have to aware that the steps are vague. The steps give us direction, but it is our conversation that completes the “formula.”

Family Planning

I just finished reading chapter 11 and I found it to be interesting. I do agree with the book when it talks about family planning. Family planning is a very important thing couples need to do when they decide that they want to have kids. There are a lot of things they need to consider like how many kids they want and when they want them. They also need to look at their financial situation. Raising a kid is not cheap and I should know, I was kind of a expensive kid. The couple needs to make sure that they can support their children. I know that when I get married and have kids, I'm going to take all of these things into consideration.

Test

I was pretty happy about which essay question was picked! I was hoping the first one wouldn't get picked because I was having a really tough time finding any information on that question. As far as the rest of the test I think it went pretty well. It wasn't too hard at all. I think I did quite well.

Family Planning and Parenthood

For me this chapter was difficult to read. The topics discussed here are the ones I have frequently tried to avoid. I hate hearing about the growing number of STDs and the fact that some people don't even know they are affected. Furthermore, this chapter brings up highly debatable topics like abortion. This is an issue that I choose not to offer my opinion because for many it is an emotional trigger whether for or against. I wish to only offer another thing to think about with regards to abortion that I never considered before. This class has emphasized the importance of communicating with your partner. I have been with my boyfriend for over two years and the discussion of abortion has come up. When discussing this we talked about religious views, family reactions, psychological effects, as well as women's rights. However, I was surprized when speaking about women's rights my boyfriend brought up the idea that as a male he has no say in an abortion. He talked about how he could be with a woman and she doesn't even have to tell him she is pregnant and can get an abortion without even discussing it with him. I never even considered I guess what you would call, the men's rights as a potential father. I wonder if other males have questioned this idea either. I am not trying to say that a man should be able to force a woman to get or not get an abortion, but I am just trying to offer something else to consider.

Birth Control

I was really surprised at first to see the section about birth control in our textbook. When I was younger and learned about it in school, we always learned about it in health class, so it seemed like an individual issue. I never really even considered how important it is to keep the whole family in mind when choosing birth control methods.

As a professional working with families, I would remind them that, while practicing the family strength of open communication, it is so important to discuss future plans and personal needs regarding family planning and birth control.

Family Planning

After reading Chapter 11, I learned the importance of controlling pregnancy. I already knew most of these facts but it was definitely a reminder to the fact that these things do not stop after marriage either. It is so important to decided when to have kids because you must be ready to be a parent and all that comes along with it. You must be financially stable and you must be mature enough to raise a child. Sometimes this subject can get really controversial and I am excited to learn more about it in class tomorrow. My parents have always been very open about talking about sex and how to be safe about it. Other families are not so open. I think this is interesting and it does not mean that is right to be open or not to be open. I think as long as you teach your children to wait for the right person they will be smart about it. Sex is such a huge topic in the media today and I think many kids get skewed images of what sex actually means. That is why children need to learn the reality of it at home before they get corrupted by the media. Overall sex is an extremely important topic within the family.

Conflict

I like how we are continuing to reiterate the importance of concentrating on the process of arguments and conflicts instead of being so strongly focused on the content or what we are arguing about. I feel that many people, myself included are very guilty of worrying about what it is that we are fighting about instead of examining the way in which we fight. I feel that many individuals who are in relationships often feel like their partner doesn't understand them and their feelings when it comes to things that they argue about. This may be a direct case of the way that they fight. Maybe in their arguments they are so busy yelling at each other that they don't spend the time to really listen to what the other person is saying. If they can learn to fight in a more calm manner maybe they will be able to really understand where their partner is coming from and find ways that they can negotiate about possible solutions to their conflict. In a professional situation I will make sure that I keep the idea of content and process in mind and really help couples figure out what it is in their process of conflict that is causing them to have so much trouble. By better understanding the way they fight I can help them find ways to better handle their conflict.

Conflict resolution was a great topic for me learn because after hearing the lecture, I realized I am usually guilty of focusing on the content, not the process.  The lecture was mostly focused on couples, but most of what Professor Hollist spoke about could be applied to relationships with friends, family, and many other people.  One thing that really made me think about was the role homeostasis plays in fights.  Once people establish the kind of fighting they use, that type of fighting will usually take place every time people fight.  For example, a couple might yell at each other, name call, or ignore each other.  It doesn't matter the style of fight, but its interesting that most couples will always fight the same way.  I wonder how hard it is to change the style of fights after so long?  The graph that was put on the projector came as a surprise for me, but it makes sense.  Every couple fights once in awhile and the intensity of fighting and the number of fights is not relevant AT ALL!  

I really enjoyed class the other day. I thought everything we did was interesting. I really loved the influences that we studied. That was very neat, and it was something knew I learned. I like the clips we watch. They really do make it alot easier for me to learn better. Finally I liked the decision making we watched. The whole class was interesting.

I thought that class on Tuesday was interesting. I thought that the 6 sources of influences was interesting. I didn't know that there are different sources of influences when it comes to marriage. I liked how we watched a clip from The Family Man and we had to point out which influence they were using. It really helped me understand it. I like when we have video clips to watch. They really do help me understand the topic better. Another part of the discussion that I liked was the types of decision making patterns. I thought it was really interesting and it was something new to me.

marriage and power

When we started to talk about marriage in class and the division of powers I automatically thought about my own family and how my parents handle all their stresses and power struggles. I guess for me I've never actually seen my parents have a fight more than arguing over some menial subject. They were always very loving towards each other and never got into any heated battles, which in society today can be very rare. My parents share a lot of the power, but all in all my father defers his power to my mother. My mother makes a lot of the money in our family, but my father is the solid ground we walk on. We have always been taught about authority and respect through my father's actions, but my mother would be the one we would go to if we had a question about whether we could or could not do anything. My mother has often said that if we ever wanted anything go to my father because if we could afford it he would give us kids the world. He does that now even if we can't afford what we want. My mother is the level headed person in the family who really wants us to be comfortable financially. My mother grew up in a lower income family with 6 kids. She was taught to work hard for everything she wanted. She had a job at 14 to pay for the catholic school she was told she had to go to. She worked all through college and became a very successful pharmacist. I really respect my mother and am blessed that she went through all of this just so she was sure she could give her kids the life she never had. My father was spoiled and got a lot of what he wanted being the first boy born into a family of 10 children. He let's my mother make the decisions I'm guessing because he's never had to really make a lot of the decisions in his life. He is a hard worker as a farmer and does his best to provide us with the life they want us to have. I see that they work together to get all us kids on the right path. They normally discuss the decisions they make before the final say, but my mother always seems to have a bigger say in the matter. They do agree on most things though and often meet in the middle which is why, in my opinion, they've been together over 30 years

power in marriage

When we started to talk about marriage in class and the division of powers I automatically thought about my own family and how my parents handle all their stresses and power struggles. I guess for me I've never actually seen my parents have a fight more than arguing over some menial subject. They were always very loving towards each other and never got into any heated battles, which in society today can be very rare. My parents share a lot of the power, but all in all my father defers his power to my mother. My mother makes a lot of the money in our family, but my father is the solid ground we walk on. We have always been taught about authority and respect through my father's actions, but my mother would be the one we would go to if we had a question about whether we could or could not do anything. My mother has often said that if we ever wanted anything go to my father because if we could afford it he would give us kids the world. He does that now even if we can't afford what we want. My mother is the level headed person in the family who really wants us to be comfortable financially. My mother grew up in a lower income family with 6 kids. She was taught to work hard for everything she wanted. She had a job at 14 to pay for the catholic school she was told she had to go to. She worked all through college and became a very successful pharmacist. I really respect my mother and am blessed that she went through all of this just so she was sure she could give her kids the life she never had. My father was spoiled and got a lot of what he wanted being the first boy born into a family of 10 children. He let's my mother make the decisions I'm guessing because he's never had to really make a lot of the decisions in his life. He is a hard worker as a farmer and does his best to provide us with the life they want us to have. I see that they work together to get all us kids on the right path. They normally discuss the decisions they make before the final say, but my mother always seems to have a bigger say in the matter. They do agree on most things though and often meet in the middle which is why, in my opinion, they've been together over 30 years

Power in Marriage

When we started to talk about marriage in class and the division of powers I automatically thought about my own family and how my parents handle all their stresses and power struggles. I guess for me I've never actually seen my parents have a fight more than arguing over some menial subject. They were always very loving towards each other and never got into any heated battles, which in society today can be very rare. My parents share a lot of the power, but all in all my father defers his power to my mother. My mother makes a lot of the money in our family, but my father is the solid ground we walk on. We have always been taught about authority and respect through my father's actions, but my mother would be the one we would go to if we had a question about whether we could or could not do anything. My mother has often said that if we ever wanted anything go to my father because if we could afford it he would give us kids the world. He does that now even if we can't afford what we want. My mother is the level headed person in the family who really wants us to be comfortable financially. My mother grew up in a lower income family with 6 kids. She was taught to work hard for everything she wanted. She had a job at 14 to pay for the catholic school she was told she had to go to. She worked all through college and became a very successful pharmacist. I really respect my mother and am blessed that she went through all of this just so she was sure she could give her kids the life she never had. My father was spoiled and got a lot of what he wanted being the first boy born into a family of 10 children. He let's my mother make the decisions I'm guessing because he's never had to really make a lot of the decisions in his life. He is a hard worker as a farmer and does his best to provide us with the life they want us to have. I see that they work together to get all us kids on the right path. They normally discuss the decisions they make before the final say, but my mother always seems to have a bigger say in the matter. They do agree on most things though and often meet in the middle which is why, in my opinion, they've been together over 30 years

The Principle of Least Interest

I found the theory of the principle of least interest very thought provoking. I began to consider my own relationship and find examples that verify this idea. One such example is with socializing. I am very much a social person. I enjoy spending time with large groups of people and like having as many people around as possible. The more the merrier. However, my boyfriend is intimidated by large groups. He would much rather be in a group of 3 or 4. This causes conflicts on weekend nights when we are deciding to go out. Since he is more hesitant and has less interest in hanging out with large groups he has more power when it comes to deciding whether or not we will. This also ties in with the six sources of influence we talked about. Since I opt out of the large group setting out of respect for him I would be using referent influence. Sometimes when I really want him to just take the plunge I use the reward influence like, “If we decide on going, then you get to decide when we leave, even if we are only there for 10 minutes.” This has been an ongoing conflict in our relationship. Although we enjoy spending time together, we decided that sometimes I will just have to go to the large social gatherings without him. However, I have noticed when I give him a heads up about wanting to go and allow him to think about it for a day or two he is more willing to go along than when it is more spontaneous. As I am continually learning about relationships in this course one thing seems to stick out, it is not the content that is important, it is the process. Conflict will arise, sometimes about a reoccurring issue and sometimes a completely new one. The most important aspect is how you deal with it.

Bases of Influence

I really enjoyed yesterdays discussion on power and it's bases of influence. Much of what was discussed would seem like an obvious thing once it's explained, but wasn't something I had thought of before in my own relationship. For example, the principle of least interest. After I thought about it that principle seems so dead on. It made me think about different instances where my boyfriend and I would just be debating what we would do for the night, and it always did seem like the person with the least interest had the greatest power over the situation. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years now, and I have to admit that we have most likely both displayed all six of the sources at one point or another. Although I would say that there are definately one or two that are displayed more consistantly than others.

Sexual Intimacy

I wanted to comment about our class discussion on sexual intimacy the week before spring break.  I really enjoyed class because it was the first time I have seen sexual intimacy presented in a respectful way in my college experience.  All of my other classes that have talked about sex made light of it.  They never seemed to address all the aspects of sex:  the physiological, psychological, spiritual, emotional, and social.  I've mainly heard the physiological with a little emotional and perhaps social; however, my beliefs tell me that there are more aspects to sex.  

Approaching sexual intimacy from this standpoint, that is that sex is comprised of 5 aspects, is important to professional development.  As we discussed in class, a professional must be aware of what aspect of sexual intimacy has been affected for a client.  For example, the psychological aspect must be carefully examined for a client who has been a victim of sexual assault.

As for my professional development, I want to always keep in mind the truth that there are five aspects to sex and that it is my responsibility as a parent to help my children understand those aspects.  We talked about this in class:  parents have to talk to their children about sex.  I wish I could say that I'm excited to teach them the truth about sex; however, anticipating the awkwardness of those talks makes me squirm thinking about it.  I know teaching my children about sex is important, and I believe that thinking now about how I'm going to answer their questions will ease the awkwardness and prepare me to share with them the truth.  

Decisions

I really liked the class lecture today about decisions in marriage. I particuarly liked how we looked closely at the six influences by looking at the examples from the movie. I see these examples in many of my roommates discussions with their own boyfriends. At this minute one of my roommates is actually on the phone having a discussion with her boyfriend about how they don't spend a lot of time together. He is on spring break now and she is using the legitimate influence on him telling him that he has to come down and see her. I also overheard another one of my roommates tell her boyfriend the other day that if he wanted to go to school out of state for grad school she would figure out a way to make it work so that she can go with him. She is using the Referent Influence in this situation for she is showing that she loves and respects him and supports his decision to go. I feel that understanding these influences will help me be better able to understand how decisions in relationships are made and in a professional setting will help me be able to help families deal with their problems at making effective decisions.

Power

Today in class we talked about how to balance out power within a marriage. I found that the six different influences were very true. Sometimes I don't think we realize how we find the need to take control of certain situations. I know in my relationship I tend to take control sometimes when I probably should not. This class really taught me how to realize when I am on a power trip and when it is healthy to take control. I also think how you approach different situations is extremely important. For example when I want something from my parents I usually try to mention the idea about a week before I actually ask the question. This way my parents are not taken aback when I ask them and sometimes they have taken some thought to the idea. This could also work within marriages when it comes to certain situations like job changes. I think that power is something a lot of people have a hard time controlling whether they realize it or not. Overall I think this class was extremely helpful and I am going to use the ideas within my own relationship as well.

I'm going to add yet another blog about our communication discussion. One question that really stood out to me was the question of why do men and women communicate differently? Immediately, I thought to myself that we communicate differently because we were made by God to compliment each other. I'm always afraid to express this viewpoint because it seems that religious views aren't seen as professional in an academic setting.

This message that I've received - that religious views are unprofessional - affects my professional development. My faith is incredibly important to me. In a professional setting, my faith will help me make moral and ethical decisions. I don't want to be afraid to tell my supervisor or boss that the reason I made a decision was because of my faith. How do I learn how to do this when the academic environment I'm in doesn't allow for that? Maybe it does...I just haven't been brave enough to speak up and see what will happen.

This is related to professional development in general because knowing your values and beliefs is an important part in being able to justify your actions. A professional must know how to explain to their supervisor or boss why they handled a situation in a certain way. Our background, beliefs, and values all factor into our reactions to different problems. Professionals must be aware of what part of their background, beliefs, and values affect how they make decisions and be able to communicate that to their superiors.

Gender Differences

Tuesday in class we discussed communication. One of the topics was gender differences. I found these general trends to be 100% correct in my own relationship. I complain about work a lot to my boyfriend. Whenever I do, its not because I want to quit or I want him to fix it. I just want to vent. However, when I start complaining my boyfriend always tells me to confront my boss about the situation or to talk to my supervisor, etc . Then I get frustrated because I just want him to listen to my story not tell me to talk to someone else about it. I know that half the things I say are just because I had a bad day or what not. Anyways now that I know the tendency to want to solve everything is more of a gender trait I am much more understanding. When I told him about this he responded, "Why didn't you just tell me you only wanted me to listen about your day?" I thought that was implied! I guess what I am trying to say is that just because something is a "gender quality" doesn't mean that it is an absolute. My boyfriend does not get off the hook about listening to me complain just because he is male! Just like I don't get away with expecting him to pick up on issues I don't explicitly address. As a professional I believe it is important to know that these gender trends do exist, but not to hold them as excusses for poor communication or as something that cannot be changed.

Communication is Constant

I was glad that we talked about communication the other day, because being a Comm Studies major, I have learned that it is something we do all the time but can always learn more about. In my Communications class right now, we have read about how communication is constant - through your words, actions, and nonverbals - even when you don't realize that you are communicating something to someone. As a professional working with families, especially parents, I think it is important to remind them of this fact. They are always communicating something with their children about their moods, their relationships, and their beliefs. It is important to keep this in mind so you are sending clear and consistent messages that your kids will certainly pick up on.

Communication

Communication was the topic Tuesday in class and it made me think of how many times my body language does not communicate how/what I am feeling! Ahh... There have been a few times where people wonder if I am sad or upset about something when in fact I am just fine.  I may be thinking about tasks I need to finish or personal issues that are running through my head, but it isn't that I'm sad or upset.  It was a great reminder for me to really pay attention to my body language and that I especially need to keep track of it while I'm teaching students.  If my body language sends off the message that I am not interested or excited to teach them something, then I can expect that in return they won't be excited or interested either.  Body language is key when teaching younger students and I am constantly reminded of this by my professors.  I can not allow myself to send off negative impressions to my students because this may hinder their participation, learning, and enjoyment of what they learn.  I also remind myself while teaching that I need to keep up positive communication through my verbal communication and body language...unless a child misbehaves, in which case I am not so happy and I change my positive communication to express their need to get back on task! : )

Communication

In class on Tuesday we talked about communication and I thought it was very interesting. One thing we talked about was basic communications principles. We talked about how the message sent is not always the message received. After we talked about it, it made me think of a game I played as a little kid called Telephone(maybe you have heard of it). That game shows that the original message sent is not always the message that comes out at the end. People may mis understand what you were saying so that's why the message got messed up or maybe they wanted to change the message on purpose. You never know.

I think communication is really important in relationships. Good communication is key. If you are having communications problems it might be hard to stay with that person. I think everyone needs to work on communication because that is one of the most important things in a relationship.

Body Language

In class on Tuesday we discussed communication and how it is used in relationships. I found the discussion to be very interesting especially when we were talking about body language. I thought it was particularly interesting the way that we can be saying one thing through our voice and be sending a completely different message with the way we are holding our body. I liked how Professor Hollist used the example of what he does when he is treating families in his practice and how through his own body language he can get the message across to someone who is off track of what they are supposed to be talking about. By folding his arms and signing Professor Hollist was able to show the teenage boy who he was treating that the topic he was discussing had nothing to do with the issue they were supposed to be tackling. I can see the way I use body language in my own life to get across that I am upset even if my voice is trying to cover it up. I feel that in a professional setting it is important to look at others’ body language to really be able to understand what they are trying to communicate.

Good Communication

After class today I was thinking about all of the ways my family has good and bad communication. I think personalities tend to get in the way of good communication. For example, in my family my sister is extremely sensitive while I am more sarcastic and like to joke around. That puts a toll on our communication because I think she is being ridiculous when she is so sensitive and she thinks I am being mean when I joke around. This is where you must be aware of your other family members and how they feel. I need to not joke around as much and she needs to understand that when I say things I am just joking around. There has to be a lot of give and take with families in order for them to be healthy.
During class we talked about cultural differences with communication. I find this very interesting. This is something we all have to understand and be aware of as our world becomes more and more globalized. I plan to study abroad in France and before going there I need to understand what kinds of body language is polite and respectful. These kinds of things affect every, even within families. Communication is everywhere and it is a necessity. That is why we all must learn how to communicate with all kinds of personalities and cultures.

mate selection

I am currently engaged to a man that I love dearly. During the last few classes when we discussed dating and finding your mate it made me look back and see what made me realize I was with the one I wanted to marry. We have been together for only 2 1/2 years, but I feel we have been together for way longer. We know so much about each other, yet there is still so much we still need to learn about each other. I feel that during our engagement we will be able to learn so much more about each other because we are now in a more committed and forever lasting relationship. I think I realized he was the one I wanted to be with when I could talk to him about things that went on in my childhood and he didn't look at me any different. He didn't try to change the subject or run away from me. He wanted to learn more about what I went through, and figure out what he could do so I didn't ever have to go through those things or feel that way again. He really is an amazing guy, and I'm glad I have him.

3 Types of Relationships

I really enjoyed the section on the different types of relationships. It really made me pay more attention to different movies or t.v shows involving people in various relationships. I found myself pointing out volatile people who were with conflict avoiders, and so on. I had really never put much thought into how different mismatches can effect the outcome of a relationship. One thing that I was not surprised about was that that are many couples that are happy even with both partners being more volatile characters. It actually seems very common in relationships these days. Some couples thrive on drama just to make their relationship interesting. I also think they like the whole fighting and then making up business.

Marital Functioning

There are both positive and negative reasons for marriage.  Everyone has their own reasoning of why they want to get married and what they want their marriage to be like.  John Gottman's theory is interesting because it deals with the type of individual people, not the couple as a whole.  He discussed issues with conflict and how different people go about dealing with it.  There were 3 different types: volatile, validating, and conflict-avoiding. It made me think about which one I would like to be in a relationship and how I would go about dealing with conflict.  If its possible to choose, I would want to be in the middle of those 3 types, ideally more validating.  Dealing with conflicts, calmly, I believe is the best way to deal with it.  Jumping to conclusions and creating drama does not solve any issues.  Making a marriage a success takes a lot of work from both individuals involved and keeping the conflict and issues to a minimum is key! 

marriages

I think sometimes thinking about getting married can sound really scary. This class is really helping see the reality of marriage and what all comes with it. At times I feel like I am expecting my marriage to be perfect and that we will never fight. In reality that is completely untrue. I think it is super important to think about the qualities that I want in a husband in order to have the best marriage possible. When we talked about abuse especially made see how important that is. Sometimes people think sarcasm and negative speaking can be funny and flirty. While others can take that really offensively. These are all things to look for in husband or wife. I think the healthy tests that we talked about are good ways to find out if that person has all of the qualities. I am really looking forward to talking more about marriage because it is something extremely important to know about in order to be happy in the future. It is also good to know so you can help your friends as they are going through the same process of dating and marriage. It will make me better equipped to be a wife and a friend.

Mate Selection

I thought the topic on Tuesday was really interesting. Talking about how people choose a mate made me really think about what I look for in a guy. When we started talking about "games" that people play to test whoever they are with, it made me think about what I do. I have been told that I play hard to get and I agree with those people. I don't want to be one of those girls who just dates whoever asks. I want to test whoever wants to date me. I don't want to play the destructive games. I don't think its right to start a fight just to see what the guys reaction is going to be. I hope we keep continue talking about dating and mate selections because I find it interesting.

Relationships and Engagements

I have been in a relationship with a girl for almost two years now. We are both juniors in college and are thinking about what we are going to do after our senior year. Because of this we are also discussing about our future together and if we think we are meant for each other. I have decided that I do want to be with her and will ask her to marry me next year and after discussing the changes that we should go through in class, it really made me think about the issues that we might not have talked about yet for when we take the FOCCUS test (I know she always told me she wanted to take one when she was engaged). We have already determined that we would be happy with 2-3 kids, we want to stay here in Nebraska or move to the coasts later, we are both family oriented and get along great with each others families. I'm just trying to think about what else there is that couples will deal when they their lives are mixed together cause I know that hundreds of other things will come up that we didn't even think about. I guess I will find out soon enough though granted she says yes (and from the sounds of it she will).

The Purpose of Engagement

What is the purpose of engagement?  To truly get to know the other person.  This is at least what I've found thus far in engagement.  My fiance and I know that we are committed to one another, and now all of our tendencies are roaring their ugly heads. I'm not afraid to say something about the little things that bothered me when we were dating (like how he chews his food really loud).  He's not afraid to call me out when I'm being irrational.  We both disagree a lot more than we did when we were dating, but it's good.  We're learning who the other person truly is (not that we didn't find that out during dating, but now it's on a deeper lever) and we're learning how we function and how we're going to function as a couple. 

Defining engagement is important in professional development because some couples may define engagement differently.  I think it's important, though, that all couples know (like discussed in class) that engagement is time to prepare for marriage.  It's a time to talk about different expectations and values.  It's a time to communicate on a deeper level.  

Defining engagement impacted me because once I stepped back and realized what engagement is about - learning about the other person and learning how we will function as a married couple - it doesn't make it so bad.  Instead of counting down the days until the wedding and complaining about all the planning that has yet to be done, I can live in the moment and appreciate this time of getting to know my fiance in a deeper way.  

Cohabitating Couples

I have been really interested by the information about cohabitation and what impacts that can have on a marriage. I thought it was surprising that living together before marriage didn't improve the chances of a marriage being successful, because I think we so often think of that as being a smart or responsible idea. I think that if someone were working with a couple, it would be good to keep that in mind, because it goes back to the idea of structure versus function. It is most important that couples work together on factors like communication and time together, instead of becoming too preoccupied with living arrangements.

Marriage Incentives

When reading chapter 6 I came across an interesting section about marriage incentives. The idea here is that children do better in a two parent family and that if we promote marriage and "reward" people who are married, more people will get married and stay married. What a quick fix to all the problems in our nation! Some states went so far as to pay married couples $100 a month to get married and stay married. This made me think about two things we have talked about this semester. First of all the structure vs. function debate. We have been told a thousand times that it is not what the family looks like single, two-parent, etc. it is how that family works. Structure does influence function, but it is not a determining factor. So the idea that children fair better with two parents is not necessarily true. Think about the children of parents who are still married but fight all the time. A second thing, what kind of people will be encouraged to get married for $100. Sorry for me personally that would not be enough. Second of all if your only reason to get married is to get that money chances are your marriage is not going to be that great...problems in marriage will still exist.
In my opinion the only way we can fix all these "problems" with married couples and single families is with education. We should spend more time and money teaching people how to deal with conflict, better choose mates, and raise a family and less money trying to get a quick fix which ultimately can lead to new problems.