My Family

After class Tuesday I really started thinking about my family. We aren't a very affectionate group of people, but we have our own ways of showing how much we care and love each other. We are real big on joking around and poking fun at each other to where we can all laugh about it even the one who is getting made fun of. My parents got divorced towards the end of my freshman year of high school. To me I feel this brought me and my siblings a lot closer together. Although I do have to say my sister who is 4 years younger than me seemed to think everyone was out to get her. After the divorce it seemed like she came down with a bad case of "middle child syndrome" and it didn't matter what anyone said or did in some way it was being mean to her!! We learned to deal with her actions, and she has now gotten over it. I think though that we did a good job of sticking together trying to make her feel differently about the role in our family. We all had to step up some once the divorce came around because my mom couldn't do everything. Today we are a very close family, and we support everything that each of us do. My youngest sister is still in high school and playing sports so we try to make sure we are at as many games as possible. My brother and my mom both coach high school sports so we also try and support them by attending their games. My other sister and I also coach softball here in town, and so everyone makes sure they come and support us with that also. Since my sister who thought she had "mcs" has moved to college me and her have become very close. As far as the rest of my family goes we might not show affection in ways that most families do, but we know how much we care for each other by all the support we give in everything that everyone does!

My Family Roles

Thinking about how every person has a role in the family, i was trying to piece together where all my family members fit it. I am the youngest with two older sisters and then I have my mom and dad. My parents are both very caring and supportive when it comes us kids. My mom is the loudmouth who always has to have her way, it runs with all the females in the family so they tend to not get along all the time. My dad is the quiet type, intelligent type who always has a grip on reality and is always willing to help out any of us. However they are very realistic with situations that come up with us and treat us like adults, for better or for worse. Over the summer I had an accident at a concert by getting trapped in a mosh pit and losing my front tooth and almost breaking my knee. When I was able to get a hold of them, they were just having dinner with my sisters and said they would meet me at the hospital and were worried sick about me. However, I came to find out from my sisters that after they got the call and were on their way to the hospital, they preceeded to call me a "idiot" according to my sisters and cursed my name for about half an hour. Their caring and parental ideals turned off and they viewed me not as their son, but as a dumb college kid. I learned a lot after that incident. I learned that I'm at that point in life where my mistakes aren't just going to be forgiven and forgotten. It helped me to realize that I am not an adult to them and not just their son. I really feel it helped me get a better sense for my family. I learned a lot about my parents and how they are going to react to us kids as we are finishing up college and going out on our own. I also learned more about my sisters, as they told me they defended me the whole ride there explaining how mosh pits are out of control and I didn't intent to be in it, and I learned that they are going to defend me throughout my entire life, even though we argue and bicker quite a bit.

Difference in Families

My family has been through a lot of hardships in the past year. My parents are going through some financial issues which lead my mom into depression. Honestly I was so excited to go to college to get away from it all. I feel bad saying that but I it was true. After my mom had called me multiple times I decided I should probably go home for a night. At first going home was really hard, but eventually I realized that it was extremely important for me to be there to support my mom in recovery. She has improved tremendously in the past few months. I think a lot of times when our family goes through issues we want to run away and avoid the problem. When really this is the completely wrong thing to do. These hardships are a way of bringing your family closer together. Every family has their different tribulations and that is what makes families so unique and different.

After class I felt the same as I'm sure a lot of people did. I felt that my family wasn't strong at all. We always use sarcasm, put-downs, negative attitudes, etc. After thinking about it some more I realized how much worse I could have it. My family is still together and we all have the most important thing and that is love. If you keep loving and supporting each other then you will get through everything that comes your way.

Strong Families

During class on Tuesday I spent a lot of time criticizing my family. I went out of class thinking wow my family isn't that strong at all. However, after reading a few posts I realized that I didn't have to focus on what my family needed to improve. I could instead think of it as- What makes my family a strong family. After shifting my perspective I discovered that the time my family spends together is what makes us strong. Whenever we all get together back at my parents house we tend to stay in the same room the entire time we are there-even if its all weekend. We sort of plant ourselves in the kitchen and live there for two days eating, talking, playing cards,or watching t.v. My point is that even though we may not show affection or aprreciation frequently, we may not have positive communication and speak with sarcasm or put downs often, we may not cope with stress in the best way, and we may not all have the spiritual wellbeing- we still enjoy spending time together. This is what makes my family strong. In a professional sense all of us at some time may be confronted by a fellow co-worker, a patient, a student, or in a more personal sense a friend who will seek our help in coping with their own family problems. I think that thinking back to what makes one's family strong can be beneficial in almost every case. All families have room for improvement, but just thinking about the one thing or the many things that keep our families strong can give us solid ground as a starting place to work on the others. As in my case, even reminding people to try to see what is good about their family can be uplifting all on its own.

After our discussion yesterday I really started thinking about my family and how we interact with each other. In my family my mom tends to be the more affectionate one while my dad is more of the jokester. My mom tells me and my brother that she loves us everyday and she gives us hugs all of the time. Even though my dad doesn't say that he loves us everyday I know that he does. The way that my dad shows affection is through joking with us and just having fun. My family also has a lot of positive communication. We talk all of the time and not just with my family in the house. We get together with other family members all of the time. We have family game nights about 3 times a month. I think that is really important. I think families do need to get together more often then just a family reunion. I think that is what makes a family stronger, is getting together and having fun.

Family in crisis

In class on January 27, we talked about how families deal with stress. I want to tell one of my stories. I got pregnant when i was 17 right before my senior year of high school. I did not know how to tell my parents so I wrote them a note, put it by their bed and went camping. When I came home the next day my dad did not talk to me and my was crying. My mom dealt with the stress by going to church and praying. When I walked outside to feed my dog my dad came out with a shotgun and I thought he was going to shoot me! He walked pass me and shot our cow instead that we were saving. So my dads way of letting go was to shoot the cow and then have us eat beef for the next 9 months! It was horrible but about 2 months later my dad finally forgave me and started talking to me. I am also closer to my dad now that my son is two because he just can not get enough of him.

Families and Eating Disorders

I am a member of SHINE at UNL this semester, which is a group that brings students information and awareness about body image and eating disorders. For our class, we have to read a book called Surviving an Eating Disorder: Strategies for Families and Friends. As I was reading it, it made me think a lot of the systems theory that we talked about the other day in class. You see, a lot of people think that eating disorders are started by cultural ideals, or images in the media, which would be macro-system. But through the book they share many personal accounts, and as it turns out, almost all start out from problems in the micro system, such as negative family relationships regarding food and body image.

In the future, I would like to help people who struggle with eating disorders, and thinking about this has reminded me how important it is to consider what solutions we can come up with based on the closest interactions a person has - with their family and friends.

Post 1

Our class discussion today really got me thinking about my own family interactions as well as the interactions I will have with my future family. In my family, we rarely show affection with kisses and hugs. I hug my parents when I come home and right before I leave. My fiance's family is interacts in pretty much the same way. His parents make the sign of the cross on each of their children's forehead and say "God bless you" every night before they go to bed, but other than that, it's a hug when they get home and a hug when they leave. This is purely my observations; I'm going to ask my fiance if what I see is really how it is.

I think this is important to professional development as a parent. Just like other areas, couples should talk about how their families showed affection and how they plan on showing affection to their children. This is something I want to talk about with my fiance. I want to know how he perceives the ways my family shows affection. I want to know how he sees his family showing affection. And I want to talk about how we plan on showing affection to our own children - will we do the same as our parents or choose to do something different?